Things Left Unsaid

near fifty five

June 28, 2026

I think back to the ages I've reached. 30 didn't bother me much. 40 didn't either. Apparently those bother some people. When I got to 45 it kind of bothered me. I was like, wtf, I'm 45. How did this happen? Where did all those years go?

Now near 55. I will qualify for some senior discounts. Only 10 years from retirement age. Not that I will be retiring likely, but retirement age I will be. I wouldn't say that I feel one way or another about it. No feeling as though it snuck up on me like 45 did. How I perceive the passage of time is much different. Like when I was 20 I was not thinking, wtf I'm almost 30. Now at 55 though I am thinking, wtf I'm almost 65. Events that happened 10 years ago can seem so recent, and then I can’t help thinking, in that same amount of time I'll be 65.

At 55 I don't understand young adults. Today I think that means anyone under 30. Ten years from now that might mean anyone under 40. I don't know. They are like aliens from another planet. I am not keeping up with technology advancements. I'm an alien visiting, watching a strange species do weird shit that I don't understand.

Over the hump day of my life. If my life was a week I would be near Friday by now or something. If I'm lucky I'll see Saturday Sunday.

Or like my own doomsday clock approaching midnight. I haven't looked at that in awhile...

internet tells me we're at 85 seconds to midnight. Closer to midnight than it has been since they invented the idea. That's no surprise. Most of the ones in power are a threat to humanity, and are allowing the planet to become uninhabitable. I think some are doing the right things, but it sadly seems too few too late. Going by what the news says, the race is still close. Common sense is still being crushed like a bug under the heel of greed, power and money. It shouldn't be. We should have been in crisis mode a long time ago, and things should have changed.

right

June 21, 2026

Canada Day is almost here. Last Friday my employer told us that we will be working that day, and instead will be getting the following Monday off. I personally don’t care. I would rather have a long weekend than a Wednesday off, but I do understand the irritation that some of my coworkers are expressing about ‘them’ just deciding to make ‘us’ come in on a statutory holiday.

I'm very flippant about it. Like, blah whatever, I would rather have the Monday off instead of the stat holiday, blah blah blah, I'm compliant. What can I do though? Should I show up at work Canada Day and march around the parking lot by myself with a sign that has a crossed out sheep inside of a red circle instead of going into work? Yell obscenities and things about weak compliance, f'n sheeple!, at all my coworkers while they go in the door?

Then what? I envision an outcome of eye rolls, wtf's, face palms, and laughter, and the only thing changing would be me old and exhausted, jobless, with no income at all, instead of being a tired old underpaid over worked worker.

We should keep in mind that for several years now Province of Ontario has been governed by majority conservative with a leader who doesn’t think that any of ‘us’ deserve to have any rights at all. You know, ‘us’, the ones doing the work and then giving nearly every cent of our insufficient incomes back to corporations who are simultaneously overcharging, underpaying and exploiting us.

The very first thing he did on day one after he was elected was to make sure we no longer had two paid sick days per year. He scrapped that, and celebrated doing it. You could almost hear the buttons popping off of the shirts covering overstuffed bellies of corporate executives and business owners while they laughed and laughed. They patted him on the back while professing their undying love.

I don't know. Maybe that is not the reason my employer can make us work a stat holiday. Maybe they always could (likely), but still I wonder. Maybe he did sneak an obscure item into some other shady bill that says, of course you can make them work on a stat holiday. Just simply tell them that they have to, and tell them which day they can have instead. Same way he took away our sick days, and how he changed the amount of break time employers are required to give their workers.

He likely has his own custom made toilet paper with the Employment Standards Act printed on it. It would be made from Green Belt trees secretly cut down in the middle of the night.

More recently there were headlines about how they wanted to eliminate rent control for all landlords, instead of just for owners of properties built after 2018. I heard he has a lot of friends who are parasitic landlords. They all got erections thinking about how high they would be able to raise rent. If the sky became the limit they would raise it to the moon! Yeehahh!

It was very quickly taken off the table. Back to flaccid. Aw, poor them. I don’t imagine the conservatives suddenly started caring about tenant rights. It was more likely from how many people freaked out about it as soon as the news broke. They would have lost voters.

He likely sent out a text to all his parasitic landlord buddies, 'sorry boys, you can't triple the rent next year or I might be out of a job. People got mad at me. I don't know why. Like wtf, who doesn't want to pay triple the rent so y'all can get richer than you already are? Sheesh! :('

How would we know anything about a text like that though, right? He spends millions of our tax dollars making sure all his communications are kept private.

Losing voters might also be the reason that he went into hiding when truck drivers were occupying the streets of Ottawa so they could whine about science, wearing masks, and getting needles. The majority of the participants there were likely his supporters, and he wouldn't want to alienate them by sending in forces with riot gear, tear gas, rubber bullets, and water canons like he should have. So he just took a vacation. Or maybe more accurately, he took another vacation.

bait – part 1

June 19, 2026

I like to be critical of the internet these days with the increase in content that is obviously not created by humans, and the idea of the algorithm that has bothered me for a long time. I do get things on my screen that interest me. Things about music, running, fitness, science and space, or whatever. I don't really find it necessary though to get eighteen articles on different sites about the same things with slightly different artificially generated words.

That's what the data centers are for though, right?

Ah, fuck it, who needs water anyway?

sigh

Every once in awhile the internet coughs up something weird into my feed that lures me in. Some days ago while I was having lunch at work I was scrolling absentmindedly, looking at headlines and pictures while I ate. I saw a headline about giant penguins that existed on earth millions of years ago. I took the bait, and clicked.

It was a pretty random, mildly interesting read about the fossilized remains of giant penguins that were the size of humans. They were discovered in New Zealand. I don't recall facts, like who discovered them, where exactly it was in New Zealand, and when. I know they had an official scientific name that I don't recall. I've never been great at retaining facts unless it is something I require in my life. But I read it, and later on found myself thinking about it.

I found myself wondering... is it beyond the realm of possibility, that if the earth could produce a human sized penguin, maybe it could produce a new version of us, only tiny? Like millions, or even hundreds of millions of years after we inevitably end ourselves. Maybe a million years after we are gone the planet gets pummeled by a cluster of asteroids and ends up a massive spherical smoldering ember that eventually cools and starts the process that leads to forming life again. I don’t really know if there is time enough for all that to happen before our sun starts transitioning into a red giant. Maybe the new version of earth will have 2 moons, or rings of diamond and gold dust or something. wtf

I thought of us, and everything that we have created, scaled down. Everything else in nature the same size it is now. Just us as tiny. Like the tallest of us the height of a cat or smaller. And then those tiny versions of us figure shit out similarly to the way we have now with industry, technology and transportation. A weird little miniature village version of us. Only not a village. A miniature humanity version of the us that exists now. Upright walking, conscious thinking, self aware, opposable thumbed, language speaking, rodent sized society building shit.

Then maybe the earth will belch up fossilized remains of the us of now for those fictional future miniature versions of us to find. Skeletons that miraculously survived the asteroid pummeling. They would be horrified and fascinated at the same time. Like we are with dinosaurs. I would hope that there would not be enough evidence to tell the tale of who we were. Maybe they will imagine good things about us if there was no evidence remaining of how terrible we were to each other and to the planet.

I guess I'm making an assumption that their tiny size might somehow make them successful at all the things we are failing at. Like they will imagine good things about us because they are good. I think they would be though. Everything would be a threat. Being so tiny, their priorities would be vastly different from ours. Survival would be top priority instead of the economy. The thought of the way we exist now (if you don't have money you don't get to have anything) would be baffling to them.

They would take up less land, and use up a fraction of natural resources. It will require a pummeling of asteroids and a restart of the process after we existed here and fucked it all up. Land and natural resources would all be unlimited to them, not things to squabble over. They would be too distracted by the constant threat of everything else on the planet to think about attacking each other. Travel to other continents might be like space travel. Globalization might never happen.

They would not be a destructive infestation on the surface of the planet endlessly slaughtering each other and stupidly bringing about their own end like we are now. Or maybe all of that is an inevitability no matter what version of us manifests.

grateful

June 12, 2026

Was anyone at all surprised by the headline that he has no plans to renew the trade agreement? At least that is what the headline was yesterday. It is still early morning, and I haven't seen any news yet today. It has likely changed three times since I saw that headline yesterday.

He doesn't care about the people in his own country... oh, sorry, I meant to say he “doesn't think about them at all.” He also loves inflation. Maybe both of those things were the dementia speaking, and not just because he's a monster with a job he should have never been given. Why would he care about the people and economies in Canada and Mexico if he doesn't even care about his own?

Was thinking about when I was young, and I had just dropped out of high school. I started my first job, and was there doing that job for a year or so. I needed a car, so I went to the bank. They gave me a loan, and then I started paying them back.

When I was about a year from paying off the money they had loaned to me, the car was wearing out. I most likely could have had repairs done, maintained it properly, and could have drove it for possibly several more years. I was bored with it though. I succumbed to temptation and desire instead of taking better care of my financial future.

I borrowed more money. Enough to pay off what was left on the first loan, and to get another car. I kept on repeating this cycle over and over, for years, until the monthly payment of my loan was on the brink of being impossible for me to pay. I was young, inexperienced, had no guidance, was not thinking about the future much, and I wanted new cars. I do take most of the blame.

Something to think about though is how the bank knew the position I was putting myself in financially. They could see the numbers, and they could see me sitting across the desk from them.

Each time I showed up at the bank for my next loan, they filled out the paperwork. Larger amounts borrowed each time, over and over. Ended with a smile and a handshake. No advice. No questions asked. Never denied. They knew I was committing a very large portion of my income to the monthly payments to them. They also knew that I was young and stupid. They knew how fucked I would be if anything went wrong in my life. I do shoulder nearly all of the responsibility for that financial hole I jumped into, but they were definitely an active participant by letting me do it to myself.

What the hell is the point?

Oh yes, the old moron, and how he slurs and blathers like we have been sneaking in the back door in the middle of the night and stealing billions from the US of A, for years, and the regime just now caught us. It is such shit. Both countries have been actively participating in the game. Similar to the story of me and the bank loans. It was in no way a matter of us taking advantage of them any more than it was me taking advantage of the bank so I could have new cars. The bank was also not taking advantage of me. It was a mutual agreement. They were helping me fuck myself over financially.

He puts on the shit show like it was us doing a bad thing to them when it was international deals made by leaders and decision makers on both sides of the border. Good? Bad? Fair? Unfair? Right? Wrong? It was what it was all along by decisions, deals and agreements.

I guess this is how fascism works. Create the perception that we are the enemy stealing from them. Give his regime, minions and supporters something to fucking jerk off to. It has to be him and his incompetent thugs pawning off propaganda as truth. The only alternative would be that they really are THAT stupid. So stupid that they actually believe it.

On he goes about how grateful Canadians should be. Am I grateful? I don't know. Yes and no. Yes, I am grateful to be Canadian. No, I don't live my life with constant inner thoughts and feelings that everything I now have is because they were generous enough to let me have it. I'm just living my life here in a system governed by decision makers.

Perhaps our country never should have become so involved with them just in case a self serving idiot like him ever took charge. Hindsight, right. But what's done is done. We can't just erase the past. I suppose fascist dictators aren't known for their diplomacy or for making deals with their neighbours. Add in aging and dementia. Surround him with bootlicker podcasters. Let’s make a deal.

floor crossers

June 10, 2026

I am conflicted about the elected people who have crossed the floor to join the left. Five times now, and the rumour is that there are more to come. Part of me finds it quite offensive. It seems like such a non-democratic thing to do. A total betrayal to the voters who trusted them enough to go out and vote for them. At the same time though, another part of me is glad that it keeps happening. I might even say I find it funny. Really no different than how the right would feel if this was occurring in an alternate universe in the opposite direction.

There are opinions about how our rockstar PM has stolen the majority government (that he now has) by manipulating those MP's into joining his side. It's so ridiculous. No matter what propaganda they try to shove down our throats next, I will never believe it. Like what crap are they going to come up with next? How he used hypnosis, bribery, threats, torture, witchcraft, or maybe that he gave them all foot massages while his wife fed them grapes, or what? Stolen illegitimate majority, they say. Sure. Grow up. Welcome to politics.

The ones who crossed the floor are all educated, grown adults in government positions, making their own political career decisions. They made the decision to cross the floor all on their own. We see the outcome, but not the process, and we can only speculate about the reasons that brought them to make that final personal decision. They could have changed their minds and backed out up to a certain point in time when there would be no turning back. I don't imagine the journey to that point of no return was an easy one. They got there. They followed through.

The reasons for it happening are sort of irrelevant. I can’t help thinking that if they were satisfied with their original party they wouldn’t have even considered switching. It happened. Now we wait and see. Now the leadership is driving the bus. A majority opposition had the option to grab the steering wheel and throw them off course. A minority opposition is more like an unruly teenager near the back of the bus causing a distraction.

Less of a threat, and more of an annoyance than anything. Are we there yet? Why aren't we there yet? Hurry up. You're going the wrong way. Why aren't we there yet? Are we there yet? What are you doing? We're going to crash. Where are you taking us? Why are we not there yet? This is stupid. What are you doing? Where are we? This is the wrong road. That was the wrong turn. Why aren't we there yet? Are we there yet? And they haven't even left the driveway. The job of the opposition is to convince the other passengers that we all need to assume and fear that the driver is inevitably going to fail and run us off a cliff.

A simplistic spin on a complicated matter. That is what most of this blog is though, really. I guess I'm just a passenger hoping the driver is going to get us where we want to be. The right would say that it is foolish to have a little faith that just maybe the leader and his government might know what they are doing.

I think this is a very volatile time in the world of politics, not just here, but everywhere, and I don't think it is constructive to assume or fear anything, or to expect instantaneous results.

bus terminal 1 – 2 – 3

June 8, 2026

At the bus terminal there was a guy in one of the shelters. His face was red, and all around his mouth was purple with wine stain. He had a thin plastic bag that had three or four bottles of wine in it. I could hear the bottles clanging together. I was waiting for the bag to split and for the bottles to fall and smash. He was incredibly drunk. Wine drunk. He was trying to sit on the shelter bench and it looked like he was going to fall off of it. I felt dizzy just looking at him. I'm not sure how things all turned out for him. My bus arrived. I got on it and left.

At the bus terminal I was walking on the platform. There was a woman in front of me, and in front of her there was a guy. The three of us were about ten feet apart walking at the same pace. Suddenly the guy laid down on the platform. Didn't fall or anything. Just gently laid down on his side like a person would at home on the carpet. Like to play with the cat or something. When the woman got near him she stopped, and sort of leaned over him. Right when I got near both of them she said, “are you okay?” He looked up at her, and said, “no,” and then very suddenly he changed his response to, “uh, yes!” Then he got up and continued walking. It was very odd. He might have been high. I do not know. We all continued on.

At the bus terminal I was standing on the platform waiting for my bus to arrive. It was a hot and sunny summer day with a nice breeze. A woman with a light dress was walking towards me. The wind caught her dress and it blew up. Not just a flash of upper leg or anything. Like right up. If she had raised her arms at that exact moment the dress might have blown right off, and away like a balloon. She was not wearing anything under it. She was right in my line of sight. Suddenly right in front of me, naked woman for a second or two. I was standing there, and then I continued to just stand there when she walked by me. Neither of us reacted at all to the occurrence. What could we say or do though really? Any reaction I could have had would have been inappropriate. And what reaction could she have had really? No response was the only option. It was like, oh, hmm… that happened.

economy

June 7, 2026

A headline caught my eye awhile ago:

Majority Of Canadians Think The Economy Is On The Wrong Track.

From the perspective of a long term blue collar Canadian worker; I wouldn't say that I believe the economy is on the wrong track. I also wouldn't say that I believe it is on the right track. What I would say, and believe, is that it is on the same track it has been on since long before I was even born.

Most of the wealth is funneled into the pockets of the ultra wealthy minority of the worldwide population. The majority of the population who do all the work, and keep buying all the things that keep the gears of the economy turning, are in a state of constant financial uncertainty. If you can't do work and buy things you get tossed out of society like a piece of garbage. These things keep getting worse as years pass by.

I feel like if my wages had kept up with inflation over the last few decades I would be earning, at the very least, double what I earn today. The cost of everything has been constantly going up since I started working over three decades ago. Blue collar wages have gone up, but compared to the cost of everything, they have barely gone up at all.

I'm no economist, but I can read, and it doesn't take too much reading to find things out about the disgusting wealth inequality between the high income earners and the rest of us, and about how much that gap is growing. If anyone ever finds a way to fix that long term ongoing abomination, that is causing most of the suffering in the world; then I might start to believe that the economy is on the right track.

The right blames the left, and the left blames the right. Then after all is said and done, more is said than done. Then in the end no one seems to care, and nothing changes. No one ever wants to put the blame where it belongs. Business as usual. The ultra wealthy wallow in their self serving delusions taking taking taking, governments serve the ultra wealthy, and the rest of us do all the work and don’t get much for it.

They put the hardware in our faces nearly every second we are awake and then install the software that turns the majority into victims of force fed lies, distractions and manipulation.

trillionaire

June 6, 2026

I was thinking back to around the time that the very first COVID lockdown came into effect. I recall seeing a government person on a video talking about the moment when he first realized how serious of a problem it was. He said that moment came for him when there was a meeting with health officials, and they had showed him the numbers and projections and things.

For me back then, that moment came prior to the first lockdown. It was when I saw images online of streets in a city in China being hosed down with disinfectant by crews wearing hazmat suits. That disturbed me at the time, and I suspected it was going to be a huge deal. And it was.

I had a similar moment more recently when I became aware of bad things coming. I saw video of a moron on a stage with a chainsaw. My thought was, “nice to see that they are taking the leadership job seriously.” I just knew right then that the regime would take the shit show from swirling in the bowl, to gurgling down the pipes into the sewer. And their incompetence is dragging the rest of the world down with them.

How can I view it otherwise when news around the world shows that the race between absurdity like that, and hope for a better future is still a close race?

And just think, that same chainsaw wielding idiot is soon going to be the world's first trillionaire. My spellcheck doesn't even know the word. I agree with you, spellcheck. That word should not exist. The word billionaire should also not exist. Both are ridiculous. If my yearly wage was fifty thousand dollars a year, and if every cent could be saved, it would take twenty million years to reach a trillion dollars.

What are we supposed to feel about one 'person' worth a trillion dollars? Are we supposed to envy it? Are we supposed to view this as a great human milestone or accomplishment? This is no accomplishment. It is disgusting, a fail, when one gets to have so much while billions struggle to survive. It symbolizes a failure of a society with a failure of an economic system that allows things like him, and other ultra wealthy losers, to exist.

incompetence

June 5, 2026

The way some people drive these days is appalling. It is true that there have always been bad drivers on the roads. There are a lot more cars on the road now though I guess. Part of the problem is too many gadgets distracting drivers from driving. Even the dashboard of most new cars is a big distracting gadget. I suppose the multitude of reasons for terrible driving likely require a post of their own.

I was thinking back many years ago playing car racing video games, back when video game graphics were just starting to become more realistic. One time a friend of mine and I were out in my (real) car going to get some fast (fake) food, taking a break from the games. I said that I felt like I was resisting the urge to drive like I was in the game. We laughed and talked about how ridiculous that would be. We made up stories about how that could turn out.

It is interesting to think back to then from now. The thought of driving like that was ludicrous. We would laugh about it. These days though it is not so funny when a lot of people on the roads actually drive as though they are playing a video game. They really are a minority of drivers on the roads, but my guess would be that they are the cause of a very large percentage of traffic crashes and fatalities.

My first instinct when thinking about this was to conclude how impatient, unsafe and careless a lot of drivers are these days. Pondering it further though, that does not quite feel right. Saying that drivers are impatient, unsafe and careless implies that they possess knowledge about safe driving, and they are failing to use that knowledge. True to a some degree, with some drivers, but at the same time is not entirely accurate.

A more accurate word to describe some drivers would be oblivious. So many drivers truly don't know that safe driving is an option, or that the way they are driving is blatantly stupid, and is putting themselves and everyone around them in danger.

They don't possess knowledge that could be classified as safe driving skills. They just get in, point the vehicle in the general direction of their destination using the steering wheel, and step on pedals to make the vehicle move and stop. Sometimes they luck out and make it from point A to point B without causing a crash. Sometimes they don't.

They are completely oblivious of everything. As though other vehicles on the roads, pedestrians, general safety, and traffic laws are just inconvenient annoyances that they have to pay attention to when they are forced into it.

They act surprised when something requires them to take their foot off the gas, or (the horror) if they have to brake, or if they cause a crash. They don't know what to do with the unforeseen outcomes of their own incompetence. They blow the horn and sometimes yell out the window. If there is stopping involved, or a collision, they might get out of the vehicle and make a bad situation worse with threats and accusations or even physical violence.

I have to walk across a busy intersection, and cross a right turn lane, on my way home from work at rush hour. I learned a very long time ago that if I make eye contact with drivers at the right turn lane they interpret that as permission for them to not stop to let me cross. Like 9 times out of 10 they will keep going. Even though there is a huge sign right at the crosswalk to accompany the lines painted on the pavement. YIELD TO PEDESTRIANS, it says. Pretty straightforward basic driving instruction.

For that reason I rarely make eye contact with drivers there. Sometimes they notice me, and they think I'm not looking so they stop, or, they actually know basic things about driving, and they stop because that is what they are supposed to do. I act like I'm not paying attention, when really I am.

A few times when I noticed a car hurtling into the right turn lane I made it my mission to take a step off the curb at the crosswalk onto the pavement. Not like right out in front of a speeding car or anything, but enough that I made it appear as though I would walk out in front of them, and if they didn't slam on the brakes they would run me over. Some would slam on the brakes and glare at me like I did something wrong. I looked at them and acted surprised as though I just noticed they were there. No one said anything to me. Not even a horn blow, or obscenities yelled. I was likely at risk of wearing a Tim Horton's double double tossed from a car window, or some other kind of juvenile rage. Other drivers didn't even slow, and went flying right on through. They were either pretending not to notice me there, or, more scary, they actually didn't notice.

I only did that a few times. Maybe I had a bad day, or I was in a bad mood from work. More often than not lately, I avoid eye contact with drivers and I try not to do anything that might make them have to make a decision. Nine out of ten drivers turning right at that intersection make the wrong decision anyway. So I figure why interact with them at all if I don't have to? I usually choose to spare ten or fifteen seconds extra to wait for a gap rather than make drivers have to think, or make them stop for the three or four seconds it would take to let me cross in front of them.

anomaly

May 31, 2026

What I would like to say to my employer:

This is a suggestion or an observation. Not to be misinterpreted as a criticism of either the warehouse management system or anyone in particular who is using it.

Not long ago I have noticed an anomaly occurring in the system. I have chosen to label it 'an anomaly'. To me it is a strange thing that began to appear on the screen of my RF scanner not long ago, and up until that point, it was never happening. Not only a new thing, but to me it defies predictability, and logical explanation.

A good example of this anomaly would be yesterday when I had to restock a location. There were nine boxes of product that needed to be moved from an upper level stock location in aisle 55, to a lower level order pick location in aisle 14. Instead of the system telling me to bring 9 boxes all at once, it made me repeat the process 3 times, bringing 3 boxes each time. The system suddenly started sending me restock instructions similar to this not long ago, and it is happening more and more frequently.

The quantities vary, as do the locations. One time I had to move 6 boxes 15 times instead of just moving 90 boxes at once. This one in particular the pick up and drop off locations were only 2 aisles away from each other, thankfully. Really though, one transaction of 90 would have been considerably quicker than 15 trips of 6 at a time. What could have been a 15 minute job turned into nearly an hour.

Sometimes all requests of this kind will go to one restock operator, and other times they will be split between 2 or more operators. All of us end up going back and forth between the same pick up and drop off locations. Meaning: more than one operator literally driving around in circles restocking one location multiple times while all the other restock requirements are waiting to be fulfilled. It sometimes results in multiple order pickers just standing around waiting for locations to be restocked.

I call it an anomaly, but sometimes I speculate. Could someone be choosing to make this happen? Could it be due to our efficiency now being tracked, and the numbers are based entirely upon the amount of transactions we perform in an hour? I'm sure that when this anomaly occurs often my transactions in the system are indeed more in quantity. I can assure you though, it is not making me more efficient. Splitting one restock requirement into several transactions might appear like a good idea on the screen of a computer, but in reality it is very detrimental to actual efficiency. It is like the physical work required to complete a transaction is being entirely ignored.

I can only speculate that this might be the reason. Perhaps it truly is a random anomaly that the system is suddenly generating for an unknown reason. If it is being done on purpose to increase the amount of transactions performed, then perhaps this is just a sign of the times. Another symptom of the way that appearances seem to count more than truth these days. In this case, if my speculation is true, then appearing efficient seems paramount to actually being efficient.

What I will actually say:

wtf! This system is fucked, bro!