Things Left Unsaid

absurd

August 8, 2026

Oops! We hit the moon with rocket junk accidentally... again. lol. Those headlines made me envision the chainsaw wielding idiot owning hoards of loyal minions who have dedicated every waking second of their lives to fabricating and releasing lies about the activities of his stupid failure of a space company.

I didn't believe it at first. I treated the stories as though coming from an attention starved weirdo with too much money buying his way into the spotlight. I thought the news was as fake as his trillionaire status was. But it turns out that some of their space junk actually did hit the moon. It wasn't a planned impact. Maybe they should never be allowed to launch anything into space ever again. Like what are they going to 'accidentally' hit next?

South of the border it seems that the leader of the department of health has slightly altered his idiotic views on the MMR vaccine. He must have learned things about how the vaccine works. Perhaps someone told him it is the reason measles was on a decline from the 60’s until recently. In the future people in top level government jobs should know things about the job they are taking on.

But hey, he now has a cooking show. I wonder if he will point out (with that almost angelic magical voice of his) that if he was doing his fucking job instead of trying get likes on Youtube maybe the salad he wants you to make wouldn't give you diarrhea. Omg I wish someone would make a song, or at least a montage, with him saying diarrhea.

The elderly hypocrite suddenly became mad at how oil companies are profiting too much from the war that he shouldn't have started and now can't stop. Was saying things about how it is effecting the price at the pumps. Does he even know what a gas pump is? I have doubts. I have no doubt that his soft little hands have never touched a gas pump.

Oil companies have been robbing nearly everyone on the entire planet for decades. Seems weird that he is suddenly pretending to care about it. What about all the other corporations and billionaires (himself included) that are stealing from the poor for their own profit every second of every day, and have been for decades?

Him suddenly noticing the price of gas could be just more evidence that the dementia is getting closer to the point where they will no longer be able to stuff his gelatinous tired old body into a chair, and then prop the whole mess up behind a desk in front of the cameras. The shit that spews out of his miserable old face has been hovering around 80-90% incoherent for a decade or more. There will come a tipping point when the unstoppable progression of dementia causes that typical (mostly incoherent) to become 100% gibberish. But the race is still close? He and his incompetent regime could still have total control after November?

empty

August 3, 2026

Most mornings when I'm walking to work I listen to music. The playlists I choose are generally like the music version of comfort food, or a favorite pair of comfortable shoes. It is something I enjoy for that twenty minutes or so on my way to work where generally there isn't any enjoyment. Or maybe I shouldn't say there isn't any enjoyment. I think from time to time my coworkers and I intoxicate and entertain each other with sarcasm about how stupid our f'n job is. Is fabricating joy by hurling insults toward a corporate employer behind their back better than no joy at all? I don't know. Probably.

Most days when I listen to music on the way there I usually end up with one of the songs stuck in my head. One morning I had a rather strange and unexpected thing happen. When I got to the edge of the parking lot at work I decided to sit for a moment on the picnic table and finish the song that was playing, which happened to be Empty by Metric.

I removed my phone from my pocket before sitting down. Right after I sat down I unlocked it with my fingertip so I could check and see how much of the song was remaining. Just as the screen illuminated a lyric in the song played, “ask the line on your face what the line on your hand meant”. Not only did I hear it as it was playing, but the lyrics were also showing up below the little picture of the album cover. I also read the words while hearing them.

I had heard the song likely a hundred or more times over the years but I hadn't heard it in awhile. All day at work I could not stop thinking about that one lyric. It was not something that ever stood out to me on previous listens, and I found myself wondering if it even would have stood out this time if I hadn't sat down just then and read the words on my phone while they were being sung.

The lyric seemed to have an implication that maybe (most likely) it would not have had to me earlier in life. Sort of like regret, or like I had missed something fundamental along the way. At the same time though I felt a kind of freedom in knowing there is fuck all I can do about any of it now. The past can haunt me all it wants, but I can't change it. I can only live with the consequences of my bad decisions and enjoy the rewards of the good ones. Try to learn from all of it, and hopefully use what I have learned to make better decisions in the present.

infinity

August 2, 2026

For most of my childhood I lived in a village with a population of less than one thousand people. It was where two small highways intersected. A few side streets with houses that were all quite unique. Everyone knew everyone else. A small enough village that we would sometimes have to drive to the nearest town if the shops and services on the main street didn't have something we needed. There were fields and farms surrounding it in all directions.

It is funny to me now when I think back to my life in that tiny village. It sometimes feels like I'm recalling a dream, or like past life regression or something. It is just so far removed from my life now here in the city, and is now so far back in time. Another lifetime. Back to a time before the internet existed. Back before cable TV, Nintendo and cell phones. I think back sometimes to that time in general, and recently to one night in particular.

Me and a couple of other boys were all the same age. We would meet up regularly, and find things to do. I was always the quiet one, and I was smaller than the other two. Added to my being small and quiet, the contrast seemed more when they occasionally could be kind of loud and hyper. Sometimes troublemakers. Gave me a feeling a lot of the time that I was along for the ride more than a participant in the action.

The night in particular that I was recently thinking about was sort of an unusual one. We had learned earlier in the day that there was going to be a meteor shower. It was mostly just a typical night, but when sunset began we were riding our bikes around the edge of the village trying to find an open space suitable to watch the meteor shower. Everywhere we tried seemed too near to tall trees, or to sources of light.

One of my friends suggested the field that was just beyond his backyard. We made our way back to his place, and let our bikes fall in the grass before proceeding from the yard out into the field. Daylight was almost entirely gone from the sky by then.

The field had been plowed a few days prior to that night. The furrows cut into the soil were deep even ruts like waves on a lake. They were cracked and hardened from sunny dry days after it was plowed. There was not even a slight breeze, and not a cloud in the sky. If the moon was illuminated that night it would have been less than half, or just a sliver near the horizon. I do not recall. I do recall it being exceptionally dark that night. The kind of deep darkness that can only happen when the moon is either not in sight at all, or not visible enough to be obtrusively bright. Conditions could not have been a more perfect for a meteor shower.

When I got about twenty meters or so out into the field I felt, and said it seemed far enough. Being the smallest of the three of us, traversing over those deep furrows was tough going. From farther out in the field they called me names and laughed (lightheartedly really), and urged me on. It was not as hard for them, and they always had the tendency to take things to another level I suppose. They were likely far enough, but went farther anyway.

The field was not huge, but was big enough that when we got to where they stopped, which ended up being about the middle of it; the lights in house windows and street lights just looked like tiny dots of light on the horizon. I looked back, but couldn't pick out the backyard that we had entered the field from. It made me slightly uneasy.

A few minutes later I rejoined them. They were sitting on the crest of a furrow. I was out of breath at that point, but it settled fairly quickly. Then one of them had the idea to lay right down with the back of his knees over top of the crest of one furrow, and then the next furrow became a backrest. It was perfectly designed for us to lay in. So there we were. Three young boys laying in the middle of a plowed field in the dark, staring up at the sky while chattering away. Young boys being boys, as they say.

Then the first meteor silently cut through the sky almost directly above our gaze, and then disappeared as quickly as it came.

All three of us instantly went silent, and became completely still. That silence and stillness is the most thought provoking part of this memory. Like our breaths slowed, and perhaps we were not even blinking as much for fear that we might miss one. It could have been the first and only time we were together and were still and silent like that. When I think back to that moment in time from now I feel like it held a deeper meaning than we would have been able to articulate, or even be aware of.

To us then we were just boys having an adventure, watching a cool thing happen in the night sky. But when it silenced us, and stopped us, it was like we forgot ourselves for however long we remained there that night. When I look back I see those three young boys laying together in a field in the dark, held to the surface of this planet by gravity. Literally, on the edge of, and gazing into infinity, watching ancient objects from cold dark space violently burning up when entering our layer of atmosphere. I couldn't even take a guess at how long we were laying out there that night, or how many we saw. I do know though that we were transformed for the moments we were there. We had forgotten ourselves, and had become part of something much larger than us.

mousetrap

July 30, 2026

A long time ago I recall watching a video of someone who had a hundred or so mousetraps, and they had set them all, and laid them out on the floor of a room. Then they triggered one of them. Of course it bounced up in the air, and landed on another. Those two flew, and landed on two more. It caused a chaotic chain reaction that lasted a few seconds.

Imagine if the room was zero gravity. They would never stop.

Imagine if they were not mousetraps, and not in a room. If they were satellites and debris varying in size from as small as a grain of sand all the way up to the size of a school bus. All in low earth orbit traveling at thousands of kph.

The oligarch tech brats continue their reign of self serving incompetent neglect, blatant stupidity, and fear inducing manipulative lies. If they keep on launching more and more of their terrible ideas into space; an unstoppable chain reaction becomes more and more inevitable.

I think of those Star Trek episodes when the crew would find themselves in a time anomaly, and would end up interacting with earthlings of the past. In other episodes they would find a primitive species on some other planet. They would be careful to not expose any of them to knowledge that they were not ready for. I feel like that has happened to us here on earth. Not from an outside source or a time traveler, but from ideas that evolved too quickly. They could have been so beneficial for everyone on earth, but too many awful people (the 1%) have taken those ideas, and have figured out how to use them only for their own benefit by exploiting the rest of humanity.

your love – bait 2

July 27, 2026

Another time when I took the bait and clicked it took me to a list of songs. The headline proclaimed they all had lyrical meanings that were often overlooked. While typing this I tried to find the actual page I opened, but had no luck. The song Knocking on Your Back Door by Deep Purple was part on that list, butt you'll have to look that one up for yourself. I really don't have the energy or the desire to turn that into a blog post.

The one that stood out to me the most was Your Love by The Outfield. I hadn't heard it for awhile even though I have heard it likely 100's of times in my life. All the times I did hear it, I never really gave much thought to what it was about. It had a pretty catchy chorus, and all the things I like about songs from that era. I suppose it got a lot of radio play, and ended up a lot on the radios that were sometimes playing at jobs I've had.

When I read the meaning I was like, What? Oh. No f'n way. So the next time I had my headphones on, I listened to it. Then I listened to it again. I wouldn't say that I became obsessed with the song. (close maybe?) I found myself adding it to the queue quite often for about a month or so.

It is a song about a guy who is trying to cheat on his girlfriend, but the girl he wants to be cheating with won't go along with his plan. The band said the song is entirely fictional. I say that I think of most of the guys I knew back when this song was written, and if it is fiction, then it is highly believable fiction.

I picture warm summer nights, muscle cars, worn out t-shirts, cut off jean shorts, and cold beer from the bar fridge in the wood paneled rec room. A turntable spinning...

It would be more fun if you were actually listening to the song while reading this.

Josie's on a vacation far away

Come around and talk it over

So many things that I want to say

You know I like my girls a little bit older?

I do feel kind of bad for Josie. I have to wonder though. She's on vacation without him. I question how solid their relationship really is. Then again, he likes his girls a little bit older. Is that older than Josie, or older than him? Perhaps she is on vacation with her parents? If the guy is just old enough to have a driver's license in 1985 that would make him an 80's teenage boy. It would not be beyond the realm of possibility that he was dating a 13 year old. But she's away.

I just want to use your love tonight

I don't want to lose your love tonight

He somehow ended up with 'the other girl' in his black Trans-am. Perhaps giving her a ride home from a party or something. Teens, right. Red lipstick, and large blond 80's hair. They dated in the past, but she broke up with him. Not that he’s a bad guy. He’s just ruled mostly by hormonal changes, and a lustful desire that he can’t get a grip on.

I ain't got many friends left to talk to

Nowhere to run when I'm in trouble

You know I'd do anything for you

Stay the night but keep it under cover

He just wants a one night stand without commitment. His friends likely got tired of his obsessing about girls every second he was awake.

Try to stop my hands from shaking

But something in my mind's not making sense

It's been a while since we were all alone

But I can't hide the way I'm feeling

This is angst, male immaturity, and blue balls, all at once expressed in a song.

As you're leaving, please would you close the door?

And don't forget what I told you

Just 'cause you're right, that don't mean I'm wrong

Another shoulder to cry upon

crime and lizards

July 26, 2026

Someone was murdered near to where we used to live… again. It is a pretty tough part of the city. Lot of shootings, stabbings and crime. One time we had left to go see my family, and there were emergency crews surrounding a house just down the street. Later on at my parent’s place the television was on before dinner, and we saw the scene on the news. It turned out to be a multi-million dollar meth operation that was being dismantled.

That used to be home to us. Now it is just street names on the news. Did you hear? Another murder near Humber.

I don't usually go out at night where we are now. If I do, there are areas I avoid. I feel pretty safe during the day though. Living there I always felt like anything could happen at any time.

This all got me thinking back to when we lived in Peterborough. Where we lived wasn't too bad at that time, but it has since declined. The street names also sometimes make the news. Usually stories related to the drug crisis. Back then it was just kind of annoying trying to get a good sleep. There was often loud drunk college kids on the streets after last call. A few loud all night parties nearby.

There was a guy that lived in the same building as us on the bottom floor. He used to drink alone, and would get really drunk and yell at the loud people walking down the street. We didn't have A/C so the bedroom window was open most summer nights. We could hear everything. We would worry about the guy some nights when the drunk people on the street would yell back at him. We worried that it could escalate. It never did. I’m assuming because he honestly sounded quite intimidating. A little bit crazy. During the day he was actually a very easy going chatty person.

Kind of a funnier side of that story. The guy couldn't stand it when anyone used a key fob to lock their car. The chirp or short burst of horn would push him over the edge. We would hear that sound some nights, and then immediately after, “Shut. The. Fuck. Up.” One quiet night, when he must have been more drunk than usual, we heard be-beep, and then his voice loudly echoing out into the night, enunciating each syllable, “are you a MAN, or are you a LIZARD?” I will probably think of that whenever I hear that sound for the rest of my life. No idea what it could even mean.

headlines and sarcasm

July 17, 2026

BREAKING NEWS: Trump blasts Canada over wildfire smoke, threatens to increase tariffs.

U.S. Republican politicians from Michigan pen letter to PM Carney after wildfire smoke fills U.S. skies.

“pen letter”? wtf. lol. I have doubts.

I am not surprised that a senile dictator and his bootlicker morons are reacting to smoke like this. They are the same idiots that think democrats are capable of creating hurricanes.

Our PM can alter the jet stream and weather patterns, control wildfires, and undo decades of environmental mismanagement. I guess because he is Liberal? He just doesn’t feel like it. Would they be acting like this if we had a Conservative PM?

All the smoke from every fire in the U.S. is neatly contained within the borders of the state where the fire is occurring I guess. Just like none of their smog has ever crossed beyond the borders of the country.

Increase tariffs? Making it more expensive for American companies to purchase the things they need from Canada is a logical solution to everything! Especially as punishment for wildfire smoke! Holy smoke! The big corporations love it. They will get to increase the price that consumers/tax payers pay for everything even more, and then in the end they also have a very good chance at getting all that illegal tariff money given back to them… win win win for the ultra wealthy!

When the smoke started to intensify here in southern Ontario there was not one single part of me that thought, wtf northern Ontario, why don’t you keep your f’n smoke to yourselves. I just immediately worry about all the people losing homes from entire towns being turned to ash, and forests being destroyed. But I guess a reaction like that would take empathy. All those jackasses lack the mental capacity for it.

morning commute

July 5, 2026

When summer arrives I get some daylight for my morning commute walks to work. I get to see more and more minutes of daylight up to the solstice, and then it begins to taper off again. I always enjoy it while it lasts. Before it returns to the long months of walking in darkness.

One portion of the street I walk is high enough and unobstructed enough to see part of the Toronto skyline. On a clear day for a few minutes I can see the CN Tower way off in the distance.

Beside it now is the tallest building in Canada standing there like a middle finger to everyone who can't afford a place to live, and to all of us who can barely afford groceries. Just what we need, right, another 106 stories of housing that is unaffordable to the majority of the population.

I can also see the Absolute World towers downtown Mississauga. The ones that earned the nickname Marylin Monroe towers. More tall buildings have have been popping out of the ground like fungus in the area, making the negative space between the Marylin towers look like a huge hand with its index finger pointing down to the ground. There has to be something symbolic about that. We're going down, man.

One morning as the sun was rising I thought, the end of the world sure makes for pretty sunrises. Is that smog wafting northward from our deregulated neighbour (are they great again yet?). We are not innocent when it comes to environmental protection either. Better maybe, but better does not mean good when compared to the worst. Maybe that is smoke from wildfires, and not smog. Maybe both.

How many PPM's does the crap in the air have to be to make the news? I don't know. It doesn't count until you can taste it. Until you can smell it. Until your eyes are red and watering. Until that tickling in the back of your throat makes you cough. I could see the haze. It was fucking wonderful. It made the light sort of eerie, pastel, apocalyptic, with the sun just moments from rising above the horizon. I felt strange. Like a dream.

donuts

July 4, 2026

The employer got us coffee and donuts for showing up on Canada Day. I do like unexpected free snacks at work. There is something nice about it that isn't like just bringing a coffee and donut for yourself. I suppose it is similar to how having a meal prepared for you tends to seem a little better than cooking for yourself.

After having my free donut at break, and then going back to work, I found myself thinking about some experiences I've had with food and past workplaces.

Some years ago I used to work overtime at my current place of employment. One Saturday shift the boss had brought us donuts. At break time I saw the box sitting on a table near the punch clock. There were three left in the box. I thought, I will punch for break, and then get one. In the time it took me to turn around and punch my card, a coworker had showed up, and he had the last three donuts stacked up on a napkin in his hand.

I briefly gave him the benefit of the doubt, and wondered if maybe he was bringing a donut for other people he was sitting with or something. But no, I watched him sit down at a table by himself, and eat all three of them. I didn't say anything even though I really should have. Whenever I saw him after that I would think about those damn donuts. Sometimes he would need my assistance on the job, and would ask for my help. I would help him, but I certainly didn't put in my best effort. Forever destined to be the guy who stole my donut. So inconsiderate.

Another place I worked, suddenly news would start circulating. Samosa party at lunch time! The first time I heard it after starting my employment there, I was like, wtf is a samosa? I quickly learned. Those tasty little triangles of amazingness. I really like them. I would also get excited about the samosa parties when they happened.

After working there for awhile though I started to see a darker side of the samosa parties. Bringing them was a weird unspoken requirement, like some kind of social status symbol. A way to fit in. If you want to have some, then expect at some point to be the provider of them. And, oh man, the gossip and fighting about the leftovers. The whole thing just became tainted and weird to me. I eventually ended up avoiding them altogether. I would focus on reading a book while eating my own lunch. Let them have their weird fights about samosas. Not having any? No, thank you.

Funny now when I think about that place. The crew there was like that with pretty much everything. They would turn the simplest of things into a stressful ordeal. It was the most toxic workplace I ever worked in. I believe there is a line between authority and just simply being a power tripping asshole. The bosses there were the latter more often than not. The workers were divided into gangs constantly using psychological conflict and gossip as weapons against the others. I was never accepted into any of the gangs. And it wasn’t for their lack of trying to recruit me. I lasted there for two years. I had a mental breakdown and quit. I looked the place up a few years after I quit, and it was gone. Good riddance, I thought. And THAT is a very brief summary of an awful time in my life.

I had another job right before that awful one, as a temp. It was a pretty small place. The agency didn't tell me very much about it before I went there. I went in on my first day thinking that it was a factory, but it turned out to be a very small distribution warehouse. I remember the silence there. How strange it was after working only in factories before that. The crew there was five guys, and then me, plus bosses and owners. I thought, this is so weird, and also, there shouldn't be too much conflict here with such a small crew. I wasn't even through day one before I realized how wrong I was about there being no conflict. Before the end of the day all of them had taken their turn talking shit about the rest of the crew to me.

There came a day when one of them asked me if I would like a coffee and donut. One of the guys was going out in the company van to get Timmies. Right away I was like, no thank you. I made up the excuse that I had coffee before work. That was actually true, but it was not the reason I turned down the offer. Honestly I wouldn't have minded another coffee and a donut. In hindsight I realized that my no thank you, and the excuse I generated, were really more knee jerk reaction than conscious decision.

At that point in my life I had already been working for over twenty years. I instantly and instinctively knew that the coffee outings would inevitably turn into a thing. And I was right. Within a few weeks they started taking turns going out. Then there was the day when it was someone's turn and they didn't want to go. Then another day someone went with someone else's money, and bought extra food for themselves with it instead of bringing back the right amount of change. It became another thing for them to gossip and fight about. I was quite glad to not be part of it other than hearing the different versions of the outrage.

triggered

July 1, 2026

Warnings have always annoyed me. Stickers on music packaging. Viewer discretion is advised. The opinions expressed in the following program are those of the participants and do not necessarily reflect those of The Network. This article contains things that might be triggering. This contains graphic details. The video may be disturbing to some viewers. Alcohol and drug use. Violence. Nudity. Smoking. Profanity. Images of death and destruction.

Watch out cupcake. Buckle up buttercup. You might have to suddenly feel something.

What the hell? What next? Watch out, the jump scare part is coming in 10-9-8-7... lol. In the next scene someone is not wearing a shirt. I guess for me all the warnings should have a warning. Proceed carefully, this contains a warning that some might find annoying and pointless.

Recently I saw a warning at the start of an article about the sentencing of an old rich white deviant. It said that the story contained details about sexual assault. Well, yeah, frankly, I assumed so by seeing his name in the headline. He's an old rich white deviant. One of many.

The warning should have been, this article might bring you joy in knowing that a piece of human garbage gets to live out the remaining days of its life with the knowledge that everyone now knows what many suspected all along. That he is indeed a terrible human being who did terrible things.

His tiny defective brain couldn't deal with the excessive amounts of wealth and power that his failure of a company gave him. It turned him into a monster. He likely would have been an awful person even without wealth and power, but the wealth and power gave him the illusion that he could just do whatever he wanted to anyone whenever he wanted to do it. These things should have ruined him and sent him to jail decades ago.

His narcissism will likely not allow him to truly believe he did anything wrong. He can likely still sleep at night. He most likely won't ever view his victims as victims. Sorry and guilt are not installed in his software. Will never truly understand the ramifications of his actions. The false narrative that he clings to will end when he does.

He will not likely ever go to jail, but at least he will live out the rest of his miserable life with the thought clinking around inside of his empty can of a skull that people think he is a horrible person who did horrible things. I don't know if that is justice, but I guess it is better than nothing? As close as we can get to justice with disgusting people like him.

Maybe if there is ever a justice system south of the border again some of the monsters in the Epstein files will have a similar fate.