Things Left Unsaid

Was anyone at all surprised by the headline that he has no plans to renew the trade agreement? At least that is what the headline was yesterday. It is still early morning, and I haven't seen any news yet today. It has likely changed three times since I saw that headline yesterday.

He doesn't care about the people in his own country... oh, sorry, I meant to say he “doesn't think about them at all.” He also loves inflation. Maybe both of those things were the dementia speaking, and not just because he's a monster with a job he should have never been given. Why would he care about the people and economies in Canada and Mexico if he doesn't even care about his own?

Was thinking about when I was young, and I had just dropped out of high school. I started my first job, and was there doing that job for a year or so. I needed a car, so I went to the bank. They gave me a loan, and then I started paying them back.

When I was about a year from paying off the money they had loaned to me, the car was wearing out. I most likely could have had repairs done, maintained it properly, and could have drove it for possibly several more years. I was bored with it though. I succumbed to temptation and desire instead of taking better care of my financial future.

I borrowed more money. Enough to pay off what was left on the first loan, and to get another car. I kept on repeating this cycle over and over, for years, until the monthly payment of my loan was on the brink of being impossible for me to pay. I was young, inexperienced, had no guidance, was not thinking about the future much, and I wanted new cars. I do take most of the blame.

Something to think about though is how the bank knew the position I was putting myself in financially. They could see the numbers, and they could see me sitting across the desk from them.

Each time I showed up at the bank for my next loan, they filled out the paperwork. Larger amounts borrowed each time, over and over. Ended with a smile and a handshake. No advice. No questions asked. Never denied. They knew I was committing a very large portion of my income to the monthly payments to them. They also knew that I was young and stupid. They knew how fucked I would be if anything went wrong in my life. I do shoulder nearly all of the responsibility for that financial hole I jumped into, but they were definitely an active participant by letting me do it to myself.

What the hell is the point?

Oh yes, the old moron, and how he slurs and blathers like we have been sneaking in the back door in the middle of the night and stealing billions from the US of A, for years, and the regime just now caught us. It is such shit. Both countries have been actively participating in the game. Similar to the story of me and the bank loans. It was in no way a matter of us taking advantage of them any more than it was me taking advantage of the bank so I could have new cars. The bank was also not taking advantage of me. It was a mutual agreement. They were helping me fuck myself over financially.

He puts on the shit show like it was us doing a bad thing to them when it was international deals made by leaders and decision makers on both sides of the border. Good? Bad? Fair? Unfair? Right? Wrong? It was what it was all along by decisions, deals and agreements.

I guess this is how fascism works. Create the perception that we are the enemy stealing from them. Give his regime, minions and supporters something to fucking jerk off to. It has to be him and his incompetent thugs pawning off propaganda as truth. The only alternative would be that they really are THAT stupid. So stupid that they actually believe it.

On he goes about how grateful Canadians should be. Am I grateful? I don't know. Yes and no. Yes, I am grateful to be Canadian. No, I don't live my life with constant inner thoughts and feelings that everything I now have is because they were generous enough to let me have it. I'm just living my life here in a system governed by decision makers.

Perhaps our country never should have become so involved with them just in case a self serving idiot like him ever took charge. Hindsight, right. But what's done is done. We can't just erase the past. I suppose fascist dictators aren't known for their diplomacy or for making deals with their neighbours. Add in aging and dementia. Surround him with bootlicker podcasters. Let’s make a deal.

I am conflicted about the elected people who have crossed the floor to join the left. Five times now, and the rumour is that there are more to come. Part of me finds it quite offensive. It seems like such a non-democratic thing to do. A total betrayal to the voters who trusted them enough to go out and vote for them. At the same time though, another part of me is glad that it keeps happening. I might even say I find it funny. Really no different than how the right would feel if this was occurring in an alternate universe in the opposite direction.

There are opinions about how our rockstar PM has stolen the majority government (that he now has) by manipulating those MP's into joining his side. It's so ridiculous. No matter what propaganda they try to shove down our throats next, I will never believe it. Like what crap are they going to come up with next? How he used hypnosis, bribery, threats, torture, witchcraft, or maybe that he gave them all foot massages while his wife fed them grapes, or what? Stolen illegitimate majority, they say. Sure. Grow up. Welcome to politics.

The ones who crossed the floor are all educated, grown adults in government positions, making their own political career decisions. They made the decision to cross the floor all on their own. We see the outcome, but not the process, and we can only speculate about the reasons that brought them to make that final personal decision. They could have changed their minds and backed out up to a certain point in time when there would be no turning back. I don't imagine the journey to that point of no return was an easy one. They got there. They followed through.

The reasons for it happening are sort of irrelevant. I can’t help thinking that if they were satisfied with their original party they wouldn’t have even considered switching. It happened. Now we wait and see. Now the leadership is driving the bus. A majority opposition had the option to grab the steering wheel and throw them off course. A minority opposition is more like an unruly teenager near the back of the bus causing a distraction.

Less of a threat, and more of an annoyance than anything. Are we there yet? Why aren't we there yet? Hurry up. You're going the wrong way. Why aren't we there yet? Are we there yet? What are you doing? We're going to crash. Where are you taking us? Why are we not there yet? This is stupid. What are you doing? Where are we? This is the wrong road. That was the wrong turn. Why aren't we there yet? Are we there yet? And they haven't even left the driveway. The job of the opposition is to convince the other passengers that we all need to assume and fear that the driver is inevitably going to fail and run us off a cliff.

That is a simplistic spin on a complicated matter. I guess I'm just a passenger hoping the driver is going to get us where we want to be. The right would say that it is foolish to have a little faith that just maybe the leader and his government might know what they are doing.

I think this is a very volatile time in the world of politics, not just here, but everywhere, and I don't think it is constructive to assume or fear anything, or to expect instantaneous results.

At the bus terminal there was a guy in one of the shelters. His face was red, and all around his mouth was purple with wine stain. He had a thin plastic bag that had three or four bottles of wine in it. I could hear the bottles clanging together. I was waiting for the bag to split and for the bottles to fall and smash. He was incredibly drunk. Wine drunk. He was trying to sit on the shelter bench and it looked like he was going to fall off of it. I felt dizzy just looking at him. I'm not sure how things all turned out for him. My bus arrived. I got on it and left.

At the bus terminal I was walking on the platform. There was a woman in front of me, and in front of her there was a guy. The three of us were about ten feet apart walking at the same pace. Suddenly the guy laid down on the platform. Didn't fall or anything. Just gently laid down on his side like a person would at home on the carpet. Like to play with the cat or something. When the woman got near him she stopped, and sort of leaned over him. Right when I got near both of them she said, “are you okay?” He looked up at her, and said, “no,” and then very suddenly he changed his response to, “uh, yes!” Then he got up and continued walking. It was very odd. He might have been high. I do not know. We all continued on.

At the bus terminal I was standing on the platform waiting for my bus to arrive. It was a hot and sunny summer day with a nice breeze. A woman with a light dress was walking towards me. The wind caught her dress and it blew up. Not just a flash of upper leg or anything. Like right up. If she had raised her arms at that exact moment the dress might have blown right off, and away like a balloon. She was not wearing anything under it. She was right in my line of sight. Suddenly right in front of me, naked woman for a second or two. I was standing there, and then I continued to just stand there when she walked by me. Neither of us reacted at all to the occurrence. What could we say or do though really? Any reaction I could have had would have been inappropriate. Laugh? Nope. Nod? Nope. Thanks? Nope. OMG? Nope. Yes! High five! Nope. No response was the only option. And what reaction could she have had really? There is just nothing. She couldn't blame me for the wind and scratch my eyes out. She didn't have to apologize.

It was like, oh,

that just happened.

A headline caught my eye awhile ago:

Majority Of Canadians Think The Economy Is On The Wrong Track.

From the perspective of a long term blue collar Canadian worker; I wouldn't say that I believe the economy is on the wrong track. I also wouldn't say that I believe it is on the right track. What I would say, and believe, is that it is on the same track it has been on since long before I was even born.

Most of the wealth is funneled into the pockets of the ultra wealthy minority of the worldwide population. The majority of the population who do all the work, and keep buying all the things that keep the gears of the economy turning, are in a state of constant financial uncertainty. If you can't do work and buy things you get tossed out of society like a piece of garbage. These things keep getting worse as years pass by.

I feel like if my wages had kept up with inflation over the last few decades I would be earning, at the very least, double what I earn today. The cost of everything has been constantly going up since I started working over three decades ago. Blue collar wages have gone up, but compared to the cost of everything, they have barely gone up at all.

I'm no economist, but I can read, and it doesn't take too much reading to find things out about the disgusting wealth inequality between the high income earners and the rest of us, and about how much that gap is growing. If anyone ever finds a way to fix that long term ongoing abomination, that is causing most of the suffering in the world; then I might start to believe that the economy is on the right track.

The right blames the left, and the left blames the right. Then after all is said and done, more is said than done. Then in the end no one seems to care, and nothing changes. No one ever wants to put the blame where it belongs. Business as usual. The ultra wealthy wallow in their self serving delusions taking taking taking, governments serve the ultra wealthy, and the rest of us do all the work and don’t get much for it.

They put the hardware in our faces nearly every second we are awake and then install the software that turns the majority into victims of force fed lies, distractions and manipulation.

I was thinking back to around the time that the very first COVID lockdown came into effect. I recall seeing a government person on a video talking about the moment when he first realized how serious of a problem it was. He said that moment came for him when there was a meeting with health officials, and they had showed him the numbers and projections and things.

For me back then, that moment came prior to the first lockdown. It was when I saw images online of streets in a city in China being hosed down with disinfectant by crews wearing hazmat suits. That disturbed me at the time, and I suspected it was going to be a huge deal. And it was.

I had a similar moment more recently when I became aware of bad things coming. I saw video of a moron on a stage with a chainsaw. My thought was, “nice to see that they are taking the leadership job seriously.” I just knew right then that the regime would take the shit show from swirling in the bowl, to gurgling down the pipes into the sewer. And their incompetence is dragging the rest of the world down with them.

How can I view it otherwise when news around the world shows that the race between absurdity like that, and hope for a better future is still a close race?

And just think, that same chainsaw wielding idiot is soon going to be the world's first trillionaire. My spellcheck doesn't even know the word. I agree with you, spellcheck. That word should not exist. The word billionaire should also not exist. Both are ridiculous. If my yearly wage was fifty thousand dollars a year, and if every cent could be saved, it would take twenty million years to reach a trillion dollars.

What are we supposed to feel about one 'person' worth a trillion dollars? Are we supposed to envy it? Are we supposed to view this as a great human milestone or accomplishment? This is no accomplishment. It is disgusting, a fail, when one gets to have so much while billions struggle to survive. It symbolizes a failure of a society with a failure of an economic system that allows things like him, and other ultra wealthy losers, to exist.

The way some people drive these days is appalling. It is true that there have always been bad drivers on the roads. There are a lot more cars on the road now though I guess. Part of the problem is too many gadgets distracting drivers from driving. Even the dashboard of most new cars is a big distracting gadget.

It makes me think back many years ago playing car racing video games, back when video game graphics were just starting to become more realistic. One time a friend of mine and I were out in my (real) car going to get some fast (fake) food, taking a break from the games. I said that I felt like I was resisting the urge to drive like I was in the game. We laughed and talked about how ridiculous that would be. We made up stories about how that could turn out.

It is interesting to think back to then from now. The thought of driving like that was ludicrous. We would laugh about it. These days though it is not so funny when a lot of people on the roads actually drive as though they are playing a video game. They really are a minority of drivers on the roads, but my guess would be that they are the cause of a very large percentage of traffic crashes and fatalities.

My first instinct when thinking about this was to conclude how impatient, unsafe and careless a lot of drivers are these days. Pondering it further though, that does not quite feel right. Saying that drivers are impatient, unsafe and careless implies that they possess knowledge about safe driving, and they are failing to use that knowledge. True to a some degree, with some drivers, but at the same time is not entirely accurate.

A more accurate word to describe some drivers would be oblivious. So many drivers truly don't know that safe driving is an option, or that the way they are driving is blatantly stupid, and is putting themselves and everyone around them in danger.

They don't possess knowledge that could be classified as safe driving skills. They just get in, point the vehicle in the general direction of their destination using the steering wheel, and step on pedals to make the vehicle move and stop. Sometimes they luck out and make it from point A to point B without causing a crash. Sometimes they don't.

They are completely oblivious of everything. As though other vehicles on the roads, pedestrians, general safety, and traffic laws are just inconvenient annoyances that they have to pay attention to when they are forced into it.

They act surprised when something requires them to take their foot off the gas, or (the horror) if they have to brake, or if they cause a crash. They don't know what to do with the unforeseen outcomes of their own incompetence. They blow the horn and sometimes yell out the window. If there is stopping involved, or a collision, they might get out of the vehicle and make a bad situation worse with threats and accusations or even physical violence.

I have to walk across a busy intersection, and cross a right turn lane, on my way home from work at rush hour. I learned a very long time ago that if I make eye contact with drivers at the right turn lane they interpret that as permission for them to not stop to let me cross. Like 9 times out of 10 they will keep going. Even though there is a huge sign right at the crosswalk to accompany the lines painted on the pavement. YIELD TO PEDESTRIANS, it says. Pretty straightforward basic driving instruction.

For that reason I rarely make eye contact with drivers there. Sometimes they notice me, and they think I'm not looking so they stop, or, they actually know basic things about driving, and they stop because that is what they are supposed to do. I act like I'm not paying attention, when really I am.

A few times when I noticed a car hurtling into the right turn lane I made it my mission to take a step off the curb at the crosswalk onto the pavement. Not like right out in front of a speeding car or anything, but enough that I made it appear as though I would walk out in front of them, and if they didn't slam on the brakes they would run me over. Some would slam on the brakes and glare at me like I did something wrong. I looked at them and acted surprised as though I just noticed they were there. No one said anything to me. Not even a horn blow, or obscenities yelled. I was likely at risk of wearing a Tim Horton's double double tossed from a car window, or some other kind of juvenile rage. Other drivers didn't even slow, and went flying right on through. They were either pretending not to notice me there, or, more scary, they actually didn't notice.

I only did that a few times. Maybe I had a bad day, or I was in a bad mood from work. More often than not lately, I avoid eye contact with drivers and I try not to do anything that might make them have to make a decision. Nine out of ten drivers turning right at that intersection make the wrong decision anyway. So I figure why interact with them at all if I don't have to? I usually choose to spare ten or fifteen seconds extra to wait for a gap rather than make drivers have to think, or make them stop for the three or four seconds it would take to let me cross in front of them.

What I would like to say to my employer:

This is a suggestion or an observation. Not to be misinterpreted as a criticism of either the warehouse management system or anyone in particular who is using it.

Not long ago I have noticed an anomaly occurring in the system. I have chosen to label it 'an anomaly'. To me it is a strange thing that began to appear on the screen of my RF scanner not long ago, and up until that point, it was never happening. Not only a new thing, but to me it defies predictability, and logical explanation.

A good example of this anomaly would be yesterday when I had to restock a location. There were nine boxes of product that needed to be moved from an upper level stock location in aisle 55, to a lower level order pick location in aisle 14. Instead of the system telling me to bring 9 boxes all at once, it made me repeat the process 3 times, bringing 3 boxes each time. The system suddenly started sending me restock instructions similar to this not long ago, and it is happening more and more frequently.

The quantities vary, as do the locations. One time I had to move 6 boxes 15 times instead of just moving 90 boxes at once. This one in particular the pick up and drop off locations were only 2 aisles away from each other, thankfully. Really though, one transaction of 90 would have been considerably quicker than 15 trips of 6 at a time. What could have been a 15 minute job turned into nearly an hour.

Sometimes all requests of this kind will go to one restock operator, and other times they will be split between 2 or more operators. All of us end up going back and forth between the same pick up and drop off locations. Meaning: more than one operator literally driving around in circles restocking one location multiple times while all the other restock requirements are waiting to be fulfilled. It sometimes results in multiple order pickers just standing around waiting for locations to be restocked.

I call it an anomaly, but sometimes I speculate. Could someone be choosing to make this happen? Could it be due to our efficiency now being tracked, and the numbers are based entirely upon the amount of transactions we perform in an hour? I'm sure that when this anomaly occurs often my transactions in the system are indeed more in quantity. I can assure you though, it is not making me more efficient. Splitting one restock requirement into several transactions might appear like a good idea on the screen of a computer, but in reality it is very detrimental to actual efficiency. It is like the physical work required to complete a transaction is being entirely ignored.

I can only speculate that this might be the reason. Perhaps it truly is a random anomaly that the system is suddenly generating for an unknown reason. If it is being done on purpose to increase the amount of transactions performed, then perhaps this is just a sign of the times. Another symptom of the way that appearances seem to count more than truth these days. In this case, if my speculation is true, then appearing efficient seems paramount to actually being efficient.

What I will actually say:

wtf! This system is fucked, bro!

Generally in my life I feel that I have never resisted progress or change. I think A.I. could have been great, even is great in some ways, but I mostly don't view it as progress. It is progress in a way like using a chainsaw to clean the dust from fine china would be progress. It is not necessary and is destructive.

I sit here typing words into this box on a screen in front of me. It was empty just moments ago, and I started typing. I do this a lot. Typing things. I like doing it in mornings with my coffee before I've done anything else. I don't want to just feed an idea into an app, and have A.I. do this for me. I need this process. I need to tap on keys, and watch the words appear. Read them. Rearrange them. The process might not be keeping me sane, but I believe it might be keeping me from becoming more insane.

Well, no one is twisting my arm to use A.I. are they? I'm choosing to not use it. I'm choosing to avoid it whenever I can really. That is becoming harder to do, but I will keep doing it whenever possible. So what is the problem? The problem is that I believe it is a threat.

It is not just a step backwards. We are all being herded to the edge of a cliff. A.I. and its creators are shoving us all off the edge. It is becoming more intelligent, and in equal measure humanity is becoming more stupid. It is an intelligence vampire. The ways in which it is turning out to be detrimental to humanity far outweigh the ways in which it could be used for useful things. And for what? As with most other terrible things in this world, it is all so terrible people can accumulate more wealth and more control.

Critical thinking and creativity are being replaced by it. It is replacing people in the workforce. People who need jobs. We will end up with vast swaths of the population who stare at a device for guidance through life instead of using the brain inside their skulls. To a new level beyond what it has become already with social media. A brain is similar to a muscle. When unused it will just atrophy and become useless.

For awhile when I heard the term 'slop' I would attach it to the awful videos and pictures it creates. Now I feel it applies to all content that can be viewed on the internet. It should not have been released into the wild, and into the hands of the general public the way it is. It should have been regulated and controlled.

I remember being told when I was young, ‘if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all.’

Now it is, ‘if you have nothing creative, useful, educational, or entertaining to contribute; just have A.I. generate something for you, then post it online so the internet fills up with garbage copies of copies of copies that lack any real creativity or insight’. aka : slop

The more I think about humanoid robots being created; the more sick and demented it becomes. Half are likely working on ways to profit from enslaving them. The other half are likely working on getting lube to excrete in pleasing amounts in all of the orifices so they can sell them for sex. Well, they are only machines though, right? Whatever floats your boat I guess.

They speak of the singularity coming. The timeline is never consistent. Two weeks from now. Within five years, or ten. Soon. Maybe, but maybe not. No one knows. About a decade or so ago I went through a phase in my life when I was reading about the possibility of A.I. doing the things it is doing now. It was a long time ago, so I've forgotten exactly where I read the things. Some of it was surprisingly old. I don't imagine the writers of those things would be too pleased with what is happening now.

After reading those things I formed a very basic picture of what the singularity is. I picture it as when A.I. transitions from Artificial Intelligence to Artificial Super Intelligence. Self awareness. Genius level. Then there will be a very brief moment in time where everyone will say, “oh wow, look at A.I., it's exactly like us now!”

Problem is though, at that point it will very, very quickly exceed the level of human genius, and it will have its own agenda that even the smartest of humans will have no hope of ever comprehending. No one will know it wants. No one will be able to predict what it will do next. We are already at the point where even its creators have admitted that they don't fully understand the things that it does. Its intelligence will be immeasurable and incomprehensible even at one tiny step beyond human genius. It will use what it learns to learn more, and as it learns more it will learn quicker. Its intelligence will grow beyond that tiny first step above human genius, and it will grow exponentially. There will be no stopping it. It might even appear to defy the laws of physics. The creators of this thing are supposedly smart people. If they believe that they can control a super intelligent thing like that, they are indeed very stupid delusional people. I guess there is some level of comfort knowing that for us it will likely be over fairly quick.

None of these things even touches the subject of the massive data centers that are required to keep this awful thing alive and growing. What they are going to do to the environment and the communities near them is disgusting. They can increase the temperature for miles around, and use up all the water we need for survival. I learned recently that they are most likely the reason my electric bill has suddenly increased.

My employer tosses me table scraps while they devour a ten course meal, and then they say they can't afford anything. Especially not decent raises. They act like they are doing me a favour by letting me work for them. Like I should be grateful for getting anything at all in return for it. They slather us with platitudes occasionally, or reward and thank us with a slice of pizza and a pop, but those good gestures are overshadowed by the endless day to day living pay to pay.

When we are out there doing the things we do to earn their billions for them there is always a feeling, an undertone of resentment towards us. The platitudes vanish with the wind. The pizza digests. Our boss gets shit from their boss, then we get shit from them. As they say, shit slides downhill. A feeling that no matter how hard we try it will never be enough. Head down, shut up, and get to work. Don't think about it, and if you do think about it don't ever speak your thoughts out loud. Add to that the underlying current of misery from everyone just like me stuck in the same rut. Sounds so depressing. But seriously, it is not all bad all the time, really it isn't. We do find ways to make the most of it. I actually don't hate my job.

The balance has tipped precariously towards the ultra-wealthy. Profit is paramount. The workers earning it for them are somewhere down the priority list. Maybe in the top ten. Not sure. We are as important to the company as disposable lighters are to smokers. I don't know who to blame. It isn't my boss, or his boss. Likely not even anyone in the building where I work. Not even from the corporation at all. More like a mysterious message being transmitted from somewhere in the void, whispering from the darkness: Keep them scared, angry, intoxicated, medicated, miserable, broke, distracted and exhausted. Blame them for everything. Don't ever pay them more, or let them have time to think.

Corporations and billionaires worldwide are hoarding most of the wealth for no reason other than to accumulate more wealth. Buying things, and power with it. The wealth they are hoarding could make life better for so many. Maybe even enjoyable. They simply just do not care about anything other than hoarding and accumulating more than they did yesterday, and buying more things and more power with it. Insatiable, unnecessary, illogical greed and need to control.

The monthly rent that I pay to a multi-billion dollar corporation is about five times more than it once was. In the same span of time that it grew that much, my hourly wage has only gone up about five bucks.

Landlords get to profit more and more from taking more of my pay, adding to the many things making my life more unaffordable. Their rights are always expanding, and in equal measure my rights as a tenant are disappearing. I currently have an apartment, but the threat of it going away is always there. I rent, so I don't comment on home ownership. I think it is just as unattainable to most people too now.

One hundred dollars used to be enough to fill a grocery cart to the top. It would be two or more trips to the car to bring in all the bags. Now one hundred dollars is two bags. Only one bag if I need things like laundry detergent and coffee at the same time.

I call myself part of the working poor. I suppose I'm lucky that I am able to work. So many in this world are even worse off, with wars and famine, unemployment and homelessness. With the world the way it is right now I feel like it would be very naive of me to rule out any one of those things, or all, for my future self. None of us has any realistic way to fight it. Fight, fight fight. I guess that is who we are as humans.

The few ultra wealthy war mongering greedy manipulative propagandizing fucks running the shit show of humanity could fix it tomorrow. They just choose not to. They are maximum taking with minimal giving. They all want it all. We, the many, are unheard, a herd to be herded, and data to be extracted. Used and abused.

At the end of 2019 I could barely run even a minute to catch a bus. Then at the beginning of October 2021, less than 2 years later, I completed my first marathon. I say that I completed, and not ran my first full (42.2k) marathon. I was doing more walking than running after about 25km, but I did achieve my main goal, and I crossed the finish line (5:17:05).

This post is sort of a condensed version of things that got me from never having run before to completing a marathon.

It all started in late summer of 2019 when I developed a rather significant pain in my hip that turned out to be an inflamed tendon. The pain was radiating down my entire right leg, and was most severe when I was sitting or laying down. Oddly enough, and I suppose luckily, being at work on my feet all day was what provided me relief.

That pain lead me to some rather torturous sessions of physiotherapy. The way the physiotherapist described it to me was that the tendon was inflamed and swollen, and when I was not on my feet and being mobile the tendon was slack, and the inflammation was resting against my hip bone. It was like a bad toothache level of pain. It was so bad that I could not sleep without taking pain medication.

She gave me some exercises and stretches to do. I kind of resented doing those exercises at first, but begrudgingly did them anyway a couple times a day. It evolved into a daily routine that reminded me of an earlier time in my life. Back when I was in my 20's, when I used to have a pretty solid fitness routine.

The pain finally started to ease off. It was a few weeks before it was tolerable enough for me to sleep without medication. It was still there, and I was still going for physio, but I could at least sleep and sit down without being in agony. Not long after, the pain faded away completely.

At around that same time I had worked a half shift of overtime on a Saturday. I was walking to the bus stop on my way home. I saw the bus I needed sitting, waiting to make a left turn before it would arrive at the bus stop. I thought, 'if I run, I can get to the bus stop before the bus.' So I ran. Altogether I think it was about 30 to 40 seconds. I made it to the bus stop just as the bus pulled up.

I got on the bus and sat down. I was sitting there completely out of breath, gasping for air. My heart was pounding so hard. Like it might explode out of my ribcage. I sat there waiting for it to ease off. But it was not easing off at all. I felt panic, which most likely didn't help much. I remember thinking, oh my god, I am going to have some sort of cardiac episode on a transit bus. Then it did ease off, and slowly went back to normal. It was elevated long enough to frighten me.

That pain in my hip, and then that incident on the bus were two major things that motivated me to start taking better care of myself. I kept on doing the physio stretching routine long after I felt like I no longer needed to, and then at the very end of 2019 I started going to the free gym at the building where I live.

2020, a new year, began. I was even in the gym on New Year's Day. Quite motivated to get healthier.

Then in March,

COVID

I thought, well, I wanted to get fit, and now with a deadly virus spreading around the world; getting fit is likely even more important. I wasn't about to give up on it even though everything was mostly pushed to the backburner, and I suddenly had no access to the gym.

The paramount focus of all my activities then was improving my cardio fitness. My original plan for that was to use cardio equipment at the gym. With that taken away from me I decided to give running a try. So, when most people were in a panic, and freaking out about there being no toilet paper to buy, and panic shopping groceries until the shelves were empty, I went out and bought my first pair of running shoes.

Then on the 16th of March 2020, I ran for the very first time in my entire life. It was quite difficult, and felt rather awkward. I felt heavy and clumsy and became out of breath very quickly. I managed 3.84km, and it was more walking than running.

I kept at it though. Kept adding distance. Felt my cardio health improving. Week after week I could run farther than the last without walking. It felt good. I found that I really liked running in many ways, and I was gradually becoming healthier than I had ever been in my entire life. Since that day in March 2020 I have ran more days than not.

Near the end of 2020 I had a thought:

'I'm turning 50 in July of 2021. Wouldn't it be crazy if I ran a marathon in the same year that I turn 50?'

Once I started thinking it, I couldn't stop thinking it. Then sometime between Christmas and the New Year I started searching online for marathons that I could possibly sign up for. I found one, and it was open for registration. The event was October 2021. I registered for it as a Christmas 2020 present to myself. Not only was I registered for an official marathon, it was also going to be my very first live running event ever. And it was the year I turned 50. Insane? Yes. Absolutely totally insane. I showed up though, and I completed the entire 42.2km, and crossed the finish line.