only water

October 4, 2026

I've worked quite hard to achieve my mediocre running abilities... that have now given me a 2nd place in a category in an event. I still think it is pretty cool, and I feel quite good about it, even though I know that the only reason I got 2nd is that fast people in my category were not there.

The bulk of my running has been all alone on the city streets and paths near where I live. Alone, and aside from a weekend run, they are in the morning before work. For the last few years, since switching to morning shift, those runs before work have been alone and in the dark. That, combined with the social anxiety that permeates every fiber of my being; it takes a lot for me to show up to an event like the one I did yesterday. I should be including as events all the ParkRuns I have done over the years.

Sometimes I wonder why I register, and why I show up at these things. I guess showing up to an event or ParkRun pushes me outside of my comfort zone physically and mentally. And I guess that's good for me? I suppose. Not really a good answer as to why bother. I'm not competitive at all, and these events are a race. I say, hey, winning is for the elite runners. The best of the best. The rest of us don't compete with anyone but our past self. But even that now is kind of pointless with the age that I'm at. As I get older it gets harder. My 55 year old self can't do what my 49 year old self was doing when I first found running (or did it find me?). I work harder to achieve a slower time.

For the data maybe. That is a fun thing to think about. Not like a tracker on my wrist communicating with satellites showing me distances and times. Not like showing up at a start line with a chip pinned to my shirt front. I run across a mat on the road that communicates with the chip. This chip time is so much more accurate than the thing on my wrist. I get to be forever on a list of runners for any particular event. I was there, and did that. It is pretty real I guess. Proof that I'm actually running and not just pushing myself around the city streets on a scooter just to get kudos on Strava.

About five years ago I had some water left over in a water bottle after I ran a full marathon. I went to pour it into the sink, and suddenly stopped. I pictured that water sloshing around in the bottle while I suffered through that 42.2km run. Instead of dumping it out, I put it in a stainless steel thermos. Whenever I did a long run on a weekend, or participated in an event or ParkRun, I would put some of that marathon water in the water bottle I was taking on the run. I would save some, and then return it to the thermos after the run. I've been doing this for years with the water that is in that thermos. I have water in there from all the registered long distance events, and also most of the ParkRuns I've done, for years. That includes a few I did out of town, and also Claremorris ParkRun in Ireland. I filter it twice. and boil it for a few minutes occasionally, and then sterilize the inside of the thermos before putting it back in. lol Just a weird ritual. I know it is only water.