silhouette

October 7, 2026

Being here in this amazing place makes me think that I have been ready to retire since I started kindergarten. I say that only sort of jokingly. Life happens though. There was no choice in the beginning. If I had not been through all the shit from the beginning to now I would have nothing to compare this to. Maybe I would not be able to fully appreciate times like this vacation.

Sitting here typing this. Having a coffee. It is so still, silent, and dark here. That is not something I ever experience at home in the city. I prefer being here surrounded by trees, silence, and wildlife, over the usual of home. Surrounded by constant noise, concrete, and too many people. Anxiety, stress, crime, bad drivers, violence, and desperation. Add to that my fucking soul destroying job. lol, oh come on. It's not THAT bad. No? I guess most of the time, like Detective Somerset said, I embrace apathy as though it were virtue.

Within a 50km radius in all directions from where I sit right now there is likely not even fifty thousand people. At home within the same distance it would be millions. I feel more alone at home than I do here. blah bluh blah bluh blah whahhh

Been through, I typed earlier. Been through. As though I went into, and then came out the other side. I'm still in all of it. Or is it all in me? Did I go through it, or did it go through me? What is it? My life. Life passed through me and left remnants of itself in me. Like that gunk that builds up inside of a kitchen sink drain. Sometimes I look back to the beginning from now, and all the in between, and it feels like there is a story to tell. The then to now. Like I could scrape the gunk off, and turn it into a book. Other times I feel like I could tell the entire thing, and it might fill one piece of paper, one side, or at most, not even enough to jam the shredder.

The sky is just starting to brighten here. I took a break from the screen, and stood outside for a minute. It is zero C. Not a breeze. A faraway train horn. The lake is like glass, fog hovering above it. Stillness. Silence. Everything is becoming a silhouette except for one lighted window across the lake. That is happening right outside the window beside me. Soon the colours will begin to emerge. Already the outline of another cottage across the lake is appearing. It happens so fast.

Having a second cup of coffee. Soon the sun will touch the tops of the trees. Looking at the weather report it looks like this will be our last sunny day here. I'm not complaining though. It is wonderful here even in the rain. A month from now there could be snow on the ground. Just a few weeks ago it would have been all green, hot and humid, with swarms of biting bugs. This is the perfect time to be here.