autumn

October 2, 2026

… is always a time of nostalgia for me. I was feeling it yesterday while meandering through paths and back streets between here and PetSmart. The trees are turning. A slight chill in the breeze. Daylight slightly dimmed. It was also a weekday morning so it was pretty quiet. Although I was on a back street in this city; I found myself thinking of the village of my childhood. Halloweens and thanksgiving dinners of the distant past. When we were all together, and young. And alive.

Then back to the now. I thought of all that has happened between autumn last year and now. Of course at the forefront is the death of my father. I don't know why exactly, but my mind goes back often to leaving the hospital on that frigid February morning.

The hospital doors whooshed open. The five of us passed through. Me and my two brothers, my sister in law, and my mother. It was snowing, no wind. Still hours from sunrise, just minutes after he had passed. All of us were freezing, sad, and exhausted.

Sudden scraping rumble of a snowplow in the dark somewhere out of sight but not far away. The shocking cold felt good after all those hours in the hot stuffy silent palliative care ward. Odd where the mind goes sometimes. This is the first time I've typed about that particular moment even though that moment is one I think of often.

Now I don't know what to do with this thought made into words. What else to type. His life had just ended, and then at that moment ours began to go on... I guess. As we do. Life goes on. So they say. We talked about getting together later in the day after some sleep, and about how to get out of the parking lot with the pay card one of the hospital staff had given my mother. So fucking normal. But not.