Things Left Unsaid

running

May 24, 2026

At the end of 2019 I could barely run even a minute to catch a bus. Then at the beginning of October 2021, less than 2 years later, I completed my first marathon. I say that I completed, and not ran my first full (42.2k) marathon. I was doing more walking than running afterabout 25km, but I did achieve my main goal, and I crossed the finish line (5:17:05).

This post is sort of a condensed version of things that got me from never having run before to completing a marathon.

It all started in late summer of 2019 when I developed a rather significant pain in my hip that turned out to be an inflamed tendon. The pain was radiating down my entire right leg, and was most severe when I was sitting or laying down. Oddly enough, and I suppose luckily, being at work on my feet all day was what provided me relief.

That pain lead me to some rather torturous sessions of physiotherapy. The way the physiotherapist described it to me was that the tendon was inflamed and swollen, and when I was not on my feet and being mobile the tendon was slack, and the inflammation was resting against my hip bone. It was like a bad toothache level of pain. It was so bad that I could not sleep without taking pain medication.

She gave me some exercises and stretches to do. I kind of resented doing those exercises at first, but begrudgingly did them anyway a couple times a day. It evolved into a daily routine that reminded me of an earlier time in my life. Back when I was in my 20's, when I used to have a pretty solid fitness routine.

The pain finally started to ease off. It was a few weeks before it was tolerable enough for me to sleep without medication. It was still there, and I was still going for physio, but I could at least sleep and sit down without being in agony. Not long after, the pain faded away completely.

At around that same time I had worked a half shift of overtime on a Saturday. I was walking to the bus stop on my way home. I saw the bus I needed sitting, waiting to make a left turn before it would arrive at the bus stop. I thought, 'if I run, I can get to the bus stop before the bus.' So I ran. Altogether I think it was about 30 to 40 seconds. I made it to the bus stop just as the bus pulled up.

I got on the bus and sat down. I was sitting there completely out of breath, gasping for air. My heart was pounding so hard. Like it might explode out of my ribcage. I sat there waiting for it to ease off. But it was not easing off at all. I felt panic, which most likely didn't help much. I remember thinking, oh my god, I am going to have some sort of cardiac episode on a transit bus. Then it did ease off, and slowly went back to normal. It was elevated long enough to frighten me.

That pain in my hip, and then that incident on the bus were two major things that motivated me to start taking better care of myself. I kept on doing the physio stretching routine long after I felt like I no longer needed to, and then at the very end of 2019 I started going to the free gym at the building where I live.

2020, a new year, began. I was even in the gym on New Year's Day. Quite motivated to get healthier.

Then in March,

COVID

I thought, well, I wanted to get fit, and now with a deadly virus spreading around the world; getting fit is likely even more important. I wasn't about to give up on it even though everything was mostly pushed to the backburner, and I suddenly had no access to the gym.

The paramount focus of all my activities then was improving my cardio fitness. My original plan for that was to use cardio equipment at the gym. With that taken away from me I decided to give running a try. So, when most people were in a panic, and freaking out about there being no toilet paper to buy, and panic shopping groceries until the shelves were empty, I went out and bought my first pair of running shoes.

Then on the 16th of March 2020, I ran for the very first time in my entire life. It was quite difficult, and felt rather awkward. I felt heavy and clumsy and became out of breath very quickly. I managed 3.84km, and it was more walking than running.

I kept at it though. Kept adding distance. Felt my cardio health improving. Week after week I could run farther than the last without walking. It felt good. I found that I really liked running in many ways, and I was gradually becoming healthier than I had ever been in my entire life. Since that day in March 2020 I have ran more days than not.

Near the end of 2020 I had a thought:

'I'm turning 50 in July of 2021. Wouldn't it be crazy if I ran a marathon in the same year that I turn 50?'

Once I started thinking it, I couldn't stop thinking it. Then sometime between Christmas and the New Year I started searching online for marathons that I could possibly sign up for. I found one, and it was open for registration. The event was October 2021. I registered for it as a Christmas 2020 present to myself. Not only was I registered for an official marathon, it was also going to be my very first live running event ever. And it was the year I turned 50. Insane? Yes. Absolutely totally insane. I showed up though, and I completed the entire 42.2km, and crossed the finish line.

sentience

May 23, 2026

Going by what we humans have learned about the universe so far; it seems impossible that earth could be the only planet with sentient creatures. There must be countless other planets out there in the vastness of space that are similar to earth, all doing their own things with unique strange versions of all we have here. To me there is no doubt.

What I question though is whether any other sentient beings have ever found their way to earth. Like they say. Some believe that aliens have been here for years. I find it difficult to truly believe.

I've been alive for over 50 years, and I have seen nothing with my own eyes that I would consider irrefutable evidence of non-human beings among us. Never seen an unidentifiable flying object. Never seen anyone eat a banana without peeling it, or a turd with big eyes and a long neck that can make kids on bikes levitate. Always grainy photos, shaky videos, and abstract theories. But I do wonder. Wondering is what I do. Like, what if they are here, and have been for who knows how long?

To me that would imply that they are not here with malicious intent. They most likely would have done something by now if they were. So what then? Are they trapped here? Did they crash land? Are they secretly coming and going? Are they studying us?

If they are here just studying us like we are an evolving science project, they must think we are so f'n stupid. Our biggest flaw I would say, one flaw of many, is that our entire society revolves around currency that we all magically and continuously agree has value. A very tiny minority of us hoards most of that currency for no other reason than to have more of it than they had yesterday. With that wealth they manipulate themselves into positions of power. And most of that tiny minority of us hoarding the wealth, and who have all the power, are the absolute worst of the worst of us. Everything they do is centered around feeding the insatiable lust and greed for more wealth and more power. They use it to manipulate and control the vast majority of us, and they do not care at all how much suffering their activities are causing.

And now, especially over the last year or so, the entire corrupt and lopsided system is in a state of chaos from one intellectually stunted convicted felon who has always been a malicious narcissist, and now is also elderly and senile. He should be in a nursing home or prison, but the ultra wealthy used their power, and their hoard of wealth, to purchase him the position as the most powerful world leader.

Everything he says and does is having a negative impact on hundreds of millions of people. He posts ridiculous things on his social media late at night that are like from an insomniac that woke up mid-texting after momentarily dozing into a fever dream. What he texts in those moments causes the price of gas to fluctuate, and get higher and higher, and that causes the cost of everything else to also keep inching higher and higher.

His nonsense has to be taken very seriously though because he has control over one of the most powerful military organizations in the world. He has surrounded himself with bootlicker idiots that could stop him, but they never will. They are just as incompetent, cowardly and self centered as he is, and like him they will stop at nothing to cover their own asses, and will never admit that they were wrong.

I can't imagine an alien being thinking any of this is anything but ridiculous.

cardiologist

May 22, 2026

When I arrived at the cardiologist place I checked in at the front desk. I was instructed to sit in the waiting area. After a short time, a woman with a long ponytail, wearing a surgical mask, burgundy scrubs, and white comfortable shoes appeared from a doorway. She glanced at a clipboard, and read my name out loud.

I acknowledged with a half wave, got up and followed her through a doorway, then down a corridor. She stood outside of a brightly lit small room, and motioned for me to enter first. She followed me in and closed the door.

Wall shelves with supplies. A poster about the importance of heart health. Standard examination table with a step beside it on the floor. Two office chairs. An EKG monitor on a small wheeled stand. A computer in the corner.

She instructed me to hang up my coat, and that I could leave my backpack in one of the chairs, and to take off my shirt. I did those things behind her while she was at the computer typing and clicking things on the screen.

I stood there behind her while she did the things at the computer. It wasn't a very long time. Like 20 or 30 seconds. It was (apparently) long enough for me to have the thought, did she really tell me to take off my shirt? I had an urge to ask her, “did you really want me to take off my shirt?” It seemed like too weird of a question, so I didn’t ask it.

The entire scene repeated in my mind. From the moment of me walking in the room until me just standing there behind her. Shirtless. In the new imagined version she only told me to hang up my jacket and put my backpack in the chair. Maybe I misunderstood what she said next, and it only sounded like, “take off your shirt”. Or she didn't even say anything remotely like that at all. I imagined that I had just walked in, took off my jacket, put my backpack in the chair, and then I took off my shirt for no reason. I was suddenly afraid of what would happen when she turned around.

Like, dude, wtf, why is your shirt off? Face palm. Or she would run from the room vomit exploding spontaneously into her mask and all over her arm when she tried to get the mask off in time. Or start laughing until she cried. Maybe a couple security guys would mysteriously show up and wrestle me to the floor while she stood there slowly shaking her head with her arms crossed.

She turned around. Nothing weird happened.

After a series of questions and an EKG test, I met with the cardiologist. He said everything is fine.

nuclear

May 20, 2026

Iran should not have a nuclear weapon. Okay. Sounds good. Why not though? The answer is stunningly hypocritical. I can think of a few current world leaders who are about as trustworthy as four year olds with dollar store water guns, but they have access to nuclear weapons, and are a threat to the world.

How is vaporizing innocent human beings, and setting the sky on fire going to solve anything? Why is this an option? Maybe it is time that we grow up as a (so called intelligent) species and collectively decide that no country in the world should have any nuclear weapons. Maybe it is time for the leaders of the world to start acting like real leaders and agree to disarm and scrap their entire nuclear arsenals. If anyone has a problem with the plan, then maybe they should all pack their shit, and board the next shuttle to go live on one of the other planets that is suitable for human life. Oh, wait! That is right! This is the only planet we have. You would think that we would have sorted our differences out by now.

We could also stop giving all the power to stupid greedy psychopaths who have no desire to choose diplomacy over bullying, threats, greed, isolation, violence and wealth hoarding. The ones who don't want to accept that there is no turning back from globalization. The ones who have no desire at all to meet anyone half way on anything. To them it is always my way all the way, all the time, or go fuck yourself. They seem to exist solely to support a system that is failing to provide the basic necessities of life for far too many, and leaves too many on the edge. All so that they, and a few of their rich buddies can have more than everyone else.

They are like toddler siblings in the backseat of mom and dad's car fighting over nonsensical things. Difference being that little kids don't just kill each other. Mom yells at them from the front seat. Then they sort it out and find a way to coexist. Toddlers have a better understanding of using diplomacy than the leaders of the “most powerful” nations.

fitness

May 18, 2026

I am finding at 50+ that fitness is more of a necessity than what it used to be. When I was younger, and into fitness, it was more so I could look better. Getting healthier and feeling better was sort of a side effect. Now that I'm older it has turned around. I am doing it to be healthier and feel better, and a side effect is that my body has changed.

In my experience I find that consistency is the most important thing with all fitness activities. It's sort of like learning a new skill. You have to keep at it to let it develop and become part of your life. It isn't just about the physical activity or eating better (although those things are very important). There is also the mental side that is just as important as doing the things. You have to get your mind used to finding the time to make it part of your life.

With all fitness things it is good to start off slow and easy. It isn't terribly important how much you do at first, as long as it keeps repeating. Plan it, commit to doing it, do it. It gives you an idea of how much you can handle, and gets your mind used to doing it.

If it's too easy, add a little more to the next until it is harder. If it is too much, don't push too hard. Always try not to do too much too soon. Injury is very discouraging. Find the balance between too easy and too much. Be committed to your routine, but at the same time also don't be too rigid about it. A missed day is history when the next day begins. Forget about it and move on. Never stop educating yourself about fitness, and never be afraid to try new things. Let the routine evolve as you learn more through education and experience.

If you keep at it, and keep adding a little more, you will inevitably start to feel better. I would never say that it is easy, but it does get easier, and more enjoyable.

There will be times when it seems that all the effort is for nothing. Especially in the beginning. You have to get your mind around not seeing or feeling the results from your efforts for a time. I read a term awhile ago that stuck with me. It was: Have Faith In The Process. Don't get discouraged by the lack of results in the beginning.

I find it very useful to track everything you do. It doesn't need to be complicated. It can be a tracker on your wrist, an app, or a notebook and a pen. Even if you are only recording time, date, what you did, and how much you did. It is important to have something to look back on and say, wow, I remember when THAT was all I could manage. The only person you should ever compare yourself to or compete with is your past self.

steak and lobster

May 17, 2026

This is just locker room talk. Just me being me, you know. No big deal. Dedicated to nothing and no one. Toppled off the edge of sanity. Plunging headfirst into the abyss of absurdity.

Hardy har, the department of kidnapping, murder and lies. While hundreds of millions of people could barely afford food, they were spending over twenty million dollars on steak and lobster, some of which they were no doubt stuffing into their own stupid filthy lying pie-holes. I envision it being their primary diet. Over twenty million spent just in the month of September. I don't imagine the portions that were sent to the troops were top quality like they had for themselves. It is disgusting on so many levels.

The dining room where they gathered for the feast glowed a dim strange yellow, like being trapped in a stain, from dusty chandeliers reflecting off of all the unnecessary gaudy fake gold ornamentation. It is impossible to describe a spectacle like it without using too many adjectives. The drunkard, seated to the right hand of the old man, stopped using a fork a long time ago. His shiny oily fingers dunked a piece of lobster into a bowl of melted butter while he slurred, “can I, can I have a war, can I please, oh glorious leader”.

Perhaps they have descended far below and beyond being a regime, and are now a kind of new political thing that does not yet have a name? A gang of idiotic unqualified goons in positions of power who lack the knowledge to maintain anything. Pouring every ounce of time, energy, and hundreds of billions of dollars into maintaining appearances, and doing it very poorly.

Is it even politics anymore when it feels like a lawless dystopian game? If they don't murder every human on the planet, their lame attempt to govern will be studied for decades. I mean, if humans have a future, and if study and learning ever become 'a thing' people do again.

The old man at the head of the table, who appeared to be dozing, but was paying attention, says, “of course you can have your war, sweety. We don't even need permission.” A look on his face like he needed to fart, but decided that it wasn't worth the risk. His shaking discoloured hands opened the lid of a fast food box that was on a silver platter on the table just beyond his bulging belly. He expertly gripped the burger inside, then raised it to his gaping stinking dumpster of a lying mouth hole, and shoved nearly half of it in. When he bit down, a gob of the pale pinkish orange sauce with bits of onion and lettuce in it squished out near his thumb, and sort of slid and rolled down, and then fell from his sagging chin. While chewing, he looked and sounded as though he might suffocate from having to breathe through his nose for a few seconds. While chewing and swallowing he stared at the uneaten portion of burger in his hands. He considered another bite, then decided not. As he placed it back in its box he appeared momentarily confused that there were two burgers in boxes already on the silver platter. And then there were three. Each burger had one bite gone. One had a fly darting around between the sesame seeds on the top bun. He couldn't remember biting the two other burgers, who brought them, or when. Then tiredness. His eyes drooped closed and his head nodded forward.

I guess murder is legal if you use bombs and call it war? The murders they commit are like what they say about cockroaches I'm sure. Similar in a way that if we see the resulting deaths from a few bombs, then there are sure to be thousands that we don't see.

The dining room was too hot, and smelled like cold congealed grease on meat, carnivorous body odor mixed with fading cologne, and gas being excreted from both ends of those seated at the table. Most of them were drunk on expensive bourbon and didn't notice the smell. Someone lit a cigar to try and mask it. It only added to the grotesquery. The ones not drunk on liquor were drunk on power. Some couldn't remember their job titles, or who resigned or got fired before they were handed the job. They found it funny to be part of something that they used to make podcasts and news about. All of them lacked the intelligence and introspection to view themselves as taking part in the creation of lies instead of merely propagandizing about them.

The old man suddenly and loudly blurted out something that could have been the name of his daughter, then, as though he was talking in his sleep, he mumbled something that might have been about how hot she was before she became a teen. His droopy eyes slowly opened up, and he seemed confused about where he was, and then he started blathering on about how the new leaders (who are replacing the ones he illegally eliminated) need to be peaceful and democratic. No one seemed to know what to say or do next, and none of them realized, let alone acknowledged, that peace and democracy are being destroyed in the country they are supposedly leading. The power and the money, amen.

common census

May 16, 2026

The census occurs in Canada every five years no matter who is in the government at census time, or what they have been up to. So weird to see stories of people using it as a way to protest. I thought that participating was common sense. I suppose each time it comes around there is likely a handful of people who find a way to get mad about it. Those same people likely have a computer, a cell phone, a watch, a television, and a car that are all collecting data about them 24/7. A lot more data than is on the census form. They are cool with the oligarchy compiling data about us for malicious purposes, but are not cool with the government collecting data about us for useful purposes.

I also used to think that common sense applied to vaccines. Turns out though that we live in a country where a lot of people believed what a bunch of truck drivers had to say about vaccines, over following the advice of people who dedicate their entire lives to science and medicine. Now measles has made a comeback. Should be interesting to see if their opinion about vaccines changes back when things like rubella or polio start to make a comeback like measles has. Measles can escalate for some people and kill them, but I think that most people fully recover. Rubella and polio are diseases that last a lifetime. They are highly contagious, and are preventable with vaccines that people are now refusing in the same way that they are refusing to do the census. Probably the same people. I guess the big difference would be that if they refuse the census they will have angrier letters arriving in their mailbox until eventually someone in a uniform will knock on their door. If they keep refusing at that point they will get fined $500. Refusing vaccines will cause a lifetime of illness and suffering for their babies.