Things Left Unsaid

I'm sorry I abandoned you babe. It's going be different this time. I promise. I used to be mayor of Mississauga. One day I decided that I wanted to be Premier of Ontario instead so I just stopped going into city hall. Like, whatever, right. Who needs a mayor?

I failed so badly at provincial politics that the only way I knew what was going on at their meetings was from bootleg recording devices. Then I quit. I have nothing better to do right now, so I decided to try and get my silly old job as mayor back. I just need something to do while I sort out what it is that I really want to do with my life.

I should be able to distract the voters easily enough. Make them forget what I did last time. Everyone who isn't me has the IQ of sloths, and the attention span of fruit flies. I will blame everything on the woman who took over the job after I abandoned it. Like the failing economy, even though that is a worldwide issue caused by an unstoppable unnecessary war started by a withering senile dictator, and his incompetent cartoonish war department leader. I will blame her for the housing crisis even though that is something that has been slowly and steadily creeping up over the horizon for decades, and everyone in all levels of government ignored it.

Me and my people will get A.I. to figure out what people want. Then we can use that information to fabricate half truths about my opponents, and create lofty goals that I'll never achieve so I have things to say at my loyalist gatherings and press conferences. The possibilities are endless!

I'll ride the Liberal wave that is sweeping the nation right back into my old office. I'll be a celebrity!

p.s. my enemy just endorsed my opponent, and gave me a popularity boost! omg I love me. <3